I AM SCARED

I am scared. In a very strange sense, of colors. But I used to like them. I distinctly remember using most of them at many different points in my life. I’ve even used them together umpteen number of times. But they NEVER screamed at me in a way they are screaming today. They NEVER pointed towards me and laughed at the top of their lungs. What has happened to them? I don’t remember offending them. I did get this feeling that they have been used at places misfit for them. But then I didn’t say it out loud. Why would they make fun of me then? Although, I did find a color this morning, who voluntarily talked to me. And m sure it was a friendly talk. It seemed so though. But it was so stupid of me to loose it. Thanks to my cynicism.

Is this the reason why these colors are behaving so weird towards me? Who told them about my lack of trust over them? Well may be some one really close to me. It can be BLACK. But I’ve always done justice with it. I don’t want to go colorless from here. But is going colorless so bad? I’ve seen thousands of colorless people. I never derived my humor from them. I did pay pity on them and thought, in fact still think, that’s all I can do. Has my time of enjoying pitiful faces gone?

When did fate become such big sadist? I’ve been made sacrifice enough, for at least this life. But is this sacrifice enough? Does, the very reason, that I was MADE to sacrifice these things, strengthens the fact that these sacrifices would prove no good and hence would not be acknowledged?

On second thought, do these so called sacrifices actually fit in this category? Or are they just some kind of punishments, given to make me realize how bad a person I have been? I admit m not a saint, but neither am I a devil that I’d be given this big punishments. Or may be they are to give me a prior information about “FUTURE ME”. And if so, what if I do not let myself become bad or worse than what I am at present? Won’t in that case these punishments be said uncalled for? How would that ‘someone’ , who made all the arrangements for each and every mishap in my life, be able to face me when I would be presented in front of that ‘someone’? Would that ‘someone’ call that day as my dooms day or would things be “HENCE PROVED” in an all together opposite fashion? Which color would that ‘someone’ choose to wrap me in so that that color does not start laughing at that ‘someone’ . I hope it’s embarrassing for that very person to the same degree that the punishments given to me, have been, for me. I hope that that very moment soothes me to the same depths up to which , my miseries , had soothed that ‘someone’.

I hope………..